And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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