I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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