the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
