this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
