please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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