yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
