Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
