"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
