I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
