i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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