I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
