She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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