ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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