life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fuck appropriateness.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
