She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
