My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The power of my boobs compel you
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