you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your penis caused this!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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