ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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