what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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