it wasn't lemon gatorade
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
