Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
