I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
