overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
