I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
