brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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