Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
