i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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