i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
