She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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