Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have demons in me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
