i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
