we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
