I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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