I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she smelled like a LAN party
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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