take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
