I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
