I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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