He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
