Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
