I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
