I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
