No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
