Quick, to the slutcave!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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