My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ruined the universe
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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