i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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