Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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