I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
