I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
