census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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