Having a random hookup so left but love u
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
