ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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