im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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