What did we do last night that was yellow?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
